Thursday, June 3, 2010

Friendships and Detoxing!

You may be thinking that this post is going to be about getting rid of friendships that are “toxic” but I’m sorry that’s not where I am headed in this friendship detox talk ☺

In regards to our friendships this “detox” has been more of a personal “me” detox than one that I impose upon my friends. How can “I” enrich my friendships and attract the friendships that I want to have into my life.
I tend to be somewhat of a loner and am surprised that I have any friends at all since I’m not a very good initiator of friendships. Some people are so natural at talking to others and adding to their friendship list but I tend to be in my own world much of the time.

I often see people and admire them saying in my head, “oh I would LOVE to get to know that person” yet I let the moment pass and miss out on so many wonderful opportunities and friendships!

Living in the RV has made me step out of my comfort zone in this area. We meet new people DAILY and with moving around we will not be living in one place for too long so I have had to be more intentional about meeting people and making friends.
So here is what I have found to be helpful… a challenge of sorts for people like me ☺

~ It starts with you/me! Learn to be confident in who you are, unafraid of what others are going to think of you! Yes I’m crazy, yet somewhat quiet. I have a nose ring that stands out. I dress in clothes that are comfy to me and may not be stylish but I like who I am! You must first learn how to accept yourself before you can expect others to accept you!

~ Look people in the eyes and smile.. this is guaranteed to bring you new friendships and help you to get out of living in “your own world.” Notice if someone needs help carrying something or needs a door opened. I often see mothers with young children trying to push a stroller and hold another little ones hand.. offer to open the door!

~ BE THE FRIEND that you want to attract! Talk to people! Don’t be afraid to give complements to those that catch your eye, young and old! Learn to be the initiator, invite those people that you wish you could get to know better over and GET TO KNOW them!

~ OK so now onto those “toxic” friendships that you had hoped to hear me say get rid of them… for some reason they have been placed into your journey here on earth SO embrace them! Father has placed them in your path for a reason, perhaps to teach you something, to mold you or stretch you OR to teach them something. Be who you are and if they continue to hang around then embrace them and walk with them in this journey until one of you turns to take a different path!


  1. Thanks for the great thoughts! I have been waiting for your follow up post since you dropped the nugget about this topic. Sounds like God is doing some great things in you. Let me guess... 30 something, public schooled, trying to figure out and rejoice in who God made you and not worry (too much) about the rest of the world??? Sounds just like me! I have been pondering so many of the same things:)) Enjoy your journey my bloggy friend! Great words of wisdom!!

  2. You are right on in your description of me :) I have had LOTS of de-schooling to do regarding my brain and the way I grew up "thinking" that school should be like! Just trying to go where Father takes me.. the road has been trying but so worth it! I love hearing your encouraging words!

  3. I'm shy, too, need lots of space to myself, but definitely need a social life, too! When my son was a young baby I really put myself out there. I needed friends, and I didn't want my son to grow up in a shell. I have found that yes, you need to be confident, but also approachable, especially if you are shy. I just kept showing up to different types of mama circles, for months, until finally I was able to develop some good friendships. Okay, so maybe you can't use my system if you are on the

    When I was in grade school I once got rid of a "toxic" friend, but it really didn't feel all that good. So, I generally let them hang around now. One person I detested but tolerated because another friend of mine hung out with her...she ended up becoming one of my best friends. I had another "toxic" friend who had low self-esteem and I had to "build her up" on a daily basis for some time, and it was rough, but now she is one of my best friends, too. Perhaps we just need to balance the "toxic" friendship with healthier ones.

  4. great post! It has been lovely to meet you at my weblog and now over here. You certainly look like someone I'd love to have as a friend.

  5. Amen sista.... you must be on a similar journey... LOL

  6. go heather! taking my advice!! and oh I love the nose ring a lot and am jealous because my nose ring got massively infected. :-( boo

  7. Hey, Heather, this is a great post! I agree with everything you say here ... hehe, I used to be one of those "shy" people too. I'm in a similar place as you ... I'm trying to socialize more, and I find that I'm a lot happier being more open and trusting and loving. But, gosh, the toxic friends are a tough one ... I'm still working on that, as I've attracted the wrong sorts of friends in the past.

    It sounds like you're going through a beautiful transformation. I wish you happiness and peace in your journey :).

  8. I just wanted to introduce myself and tell you how much I have enjoyed reading through your archives. I am so excited to "join" your sweet family on this journey. Thank you for sharing with us. Thank you, also for that last paragraph about "toxic" friendships. So many things that you have posted resonate with me, but that particular paragraph spoke deeply to my heart.

    I wish your family blessings abundant!


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