Wednesday, December 5, 2012

The Metamorphosis :: On Shaving My Head


I've gotten a lot of questions lately because of the changes that people have seen in me over the past year.  Some of the changes have been silent and birthed slowly yet others have been loud and screamed of bad-ass choices.  I wasn't looking for drama or controversy.  I promise.  :)

This year has been a year of sacred self discovery for me.  
A year of burning the rule book.

A year of finding Heather.

Self Discovery

I haven't written here yet about my hair.  It's hard to find the right words to describe the journey of a woman shaving her head.  We all do it for different YET SIMILAR reasons.  I think I knew that it was coming.  I may not have voiced it but the pictures above (all taken in 2012) shows a woman in metamorphosis.

A woman, searching for something.  I found it in shaving my head.

One friend found healing when shaving hers, another found freedom and me?  I found myself.

 I saw ME.  I see ME.

The process started at this conference with Tara and Meli standing in my hotel room with a pair of cheap scissors.  I begged them to just chop it off.  They tried telling me that I should be shaving it instead of doing a pixie, but I didn't listen.  I wasn't ready.  I actually remember Tara saying, "You know whats going to happen, you are going to go home and realize you want to shave it."  She was right.

Some people think that I jump head first into things but the reality is, I tiptoe into them, testing out the waters.  (As the above photos show).

I needed to wait.

I needed for my husband to be the one to shave my head.

For those of you that don't know our background, our history, let me give you a tiny glimpse into it :

Long hair has always been his wish.  It's been what women are "supposed" to have.  The women in his life always had long hair.  I remember one of his sisters, her hair down close to knee length.  I've tried to keep it long.  I really have.

I've gone long, then short, then long.  Each time my hair was cut, I'd feel guilty because I feared that he would think I didn't care about his preferences.  It wasn't about him.  It was all just part of this process.  We are still working through the past voices in our heads of what is feminine and what is not.

For my husband to stand there with the clippers in his hands.
For me to watch in the giant mirror as he touched them to my head and hair fell to the ground.

It was healing.  It was freeing.  It was eye opening.

I have loved the process.  It's not been an easy one but each chapter of my self discovery has been worth it.  To finally see myself and feel content in who I am, its made the messy chapters turn to art.

It feels wonderful finally embracing who I am.  The girl that loves to write and paint and take pretty pictures.  It's who I've always been yet now, I SEE her.


  1. I texted Rain with this exact dynamic that morning. How Joey was going to shave my head and how huge that was since he is the same. He prefers long hair and has said, "As long as your hair isn't shorter than mine." Guess what, he cut my hair shorter than mine. :D Thank you for sharing your journey. Love you soul sister.

  2. I see you too. I can't even recognize you in the photos with long hair. 

  3. you should try razor shave the an even deeper and wilder ride... so intense...'re sttuning btw

  4. I will always be grateful for you and your (not so) little push :)

  5. this makes my heart happy

  6. Bravo chickadee!

    I shaved my head when I was 20 years old. I had ALWAYS had long hair.
    It was like a rebirth of sorts.
    I had been having a lot of internal changes, people taking advantage of me, etc.
    I wanted to give an outer view to the inner scream of: ENOUGH!!!
    After watching "Pitch Black" with Vin Diesel (and the girl, Jack, that shaved her head), and then "G.I. Jane" with Demi Moore, I just went: LET'S DO THIS!

    And I did!

    And it was freeing!

    Rock the no locks :-)

  7. I love that I knew this story. And I love that we became friends so I could watch this beautiful journey. You're such an inspiration to me. Such a beauty. 

  8. I love that you knew this story too.  I love that we are close enough to be in one another's lives.  Cant wait to see you next week!

  9. Hokey Dinah. You are gorgeous. I have "a thing" for women with shaved heads. I know you won't take that in some wrong way so I feel ok saying that publicly. My husband finds close cropped heads sexy also, so I won't be showing him this post (smile).

    I think I may have mentioned before on your blog, so if I have, please forgive me, I love watching you bloom and unfold. It mirrors a lot of my own growth right now, just in different ways. 

    Like the hair. After years of having a close cropped head (Damien is my barber) I'm now growing it out because I really miss my curls. Once they get long enough I think I might dread them since I've always wanted to dreads too. 

    And I take a lot more photos of myself these days too. A real period of self discovery. Terribly exciting, terribly scary some days. 
    xo, REnee

  10. LOL after watching my son have his head razor shaved (because he wanted to know what it was like) and then get in-grown hairs as the hair came back.. I don't think I'll be doing that. :)

  11. This is exactly my case!! My husband lpves long hair, is the only thing he really like to look at a woman, A very long fine hair. In the last year i went from long brown hair(like i have been all my life) to blonde long hair , then bob blonde hair , then little shorter, then little shorter and then i shaved it ! He shaved my head, he elped me but he still says a woman is more feminine with long hair. I honestly like it better this way. Oh i gave birth to a beautiful little girl ten months ago also , maybe motherhood changed me?!

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